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TIP: S5E08 "The Rules of Extraction"

Somewhere at the very bottom of my list of enjoyable cocktails, sandwiched between Jager-Bombs and Vodka Tonics, you will find a drink that is actually a little bit better than both previously mentioned drinks, but one I dislike for similar reasons. The Long Island Iced Tea.

If you dislike this drink, you probably fall into one of two camps.

A. You dislike it because of all the bodily fluids you lost, and how little you remember after a night of drinking them.

B. You've made them before and know what a royal pain in the ass it is to pour an ounce of every clear liquor on your shelf into a single drink that will likely lead to the aforementioned bodily fluids getting cleaned up later. At the very least, trying to stuff a blackout drunk patron into the backseat of a cab, and hope the cab driver has to deal with the clean up, and not you.

This drink is evil because it is deceptive. It is evil because it is tacky. It is evil because it is cumbersome to make and expensive to purchase.


It’s what you’re drinking, so you might as well get familiar with it.


  • 1oz Gin
  • 1oz Triple Sec
  • 1oz Tequila
  • 1oz Vodka
  • 1oz Light Rum
  • 1.5 Sour Mix (or lemonade)
  • Splash of Cola

Fill a collins(highball) glass with ice cubes. Pour all ingredients into glass, gently stir to combine. Garnish with a lemon wedge. Brace yourself. (also, ProTIP: If you order one of these at busy bar, the bartender will likely hate you. Just saying.)




Tequila. From the bottle. Into your murderous face.



Do Bloody Marys count as food?

TIP: S5E09 "On the Carpet"

TIP: S5E07 "Smugglers Blues"